Print’s not dead. It has just been on heavily advertised life support. And now, in its critical condition, it’s being subsidised to your benefit. I know, you can get all your news from the magical intertubes, but right now, in what is probably a deal with the devil, EGM is giving out 1 year subscriptions to anyone who wants em.

Just follow this link.

If you have tried to play any games on Xbox Live over the last month, you could probably go on and on about poor connection speeds, random disconnections, and lag. Let’s be honest, lately XBL has been a big pile of suck. But alas, gamer! Microsoft has finally revealed which XBLA title they will be giving us to satiate our demands. Next week, Undertow will be hitting the Marketplace for FREE! Not sure I know anything about this game, but two facts alone make me interested. It is free, and it’s not Frogger!

Uwe Boll. Is there anyone that can garner such universal hatred amongst gamers? His latest crapfest, Dungeion Siege cost over $70 million to make, and has so far only earned about $3 million. It’s crashing hard, even for Boll’s already low standards. But the question I must ask myself is, who the hell is trusting this man with $70 million!?

Uwe Boll’s life is a strange one. For a long time, his horrible movies, which lost money, were actually funded by exploiting German tax loopholes. A German film industry subsidy program, which thankfully has now been canceled, meant he could make movies that lost money, and still personally make money.

It’s widely known and accepted that his films are terrible, but what bugs me about Boll is that he doesn’t even understand the nature of the criticisms against him. People are not constantly assaulting his craft because he retells stories, or alters the mythos of an established fiction. No, people write horrible things about Uwe Boll, because he generates some of the most unenjoyable, poorly made schlock the world has ever seen. Don’t get me wrong, some bad movies can be so bad, they have charm and are actually enjoyable. But Boll’s films have about as much to enjoy as ripping your fingernails off.

Boll doesn’t take these comments lying down either. He has actually challenged critics that write poor reviews of his work to boxing matches. After watching a match, you can tell that the childish irony escapes him.

To be completely fair, I have not yet seen Dungeon Siege, so my comments are not entirely directed to that particular film. But given his track record of films I have seen, recent reviews, and its reception, I can safely assume nothing has changed. Where’s all this coming from you ask? Well, Boll has decided to stop making “big budget films”. And will instead stick to smaller films. Basically, I think this can be translated as, people are chasing him out of the industry, and he can no longer hide under a tax shelter program. This makes me very happy, so on behalf of GVP, I’d like to say goodbye to Uwe Boll. Let’s take a look at some of the films he has thrown together.

• Blackwoods
• House of the Dead
• Alone in the Dark
• BloodRayne
• In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege
• Postal
• BloodRayne II (pre production)
• Zombie Massacre (pre-production)

Some things are just so hideously dark and evil, they can never truly die. After yet another skeptic pronounced this site to be dead, I announce my return. Am I just childishly responding to reverse psychology? Yes. It’s just like that time in Friday the 13th 6, those two stupid kids dig up Jason’s grave, and stab his body with a metal pole, and lightening strikes, and Voila! Reanimated Jason. Yeah, it’s like that, but a video game blog. And a silly comment. And it’s not actually evil at all.

My hiatus was due to a few ironically opposite reasons. For the first stretch of the fall/holidays I was playing games so much I didn’t bother to report about them. Then after finishing the flood of games (as well as The Flood themselves), I was a little burnt out on the whole thing. Also, in that time, I have received a new job, traveled to Germany, and celebrated Christ’s birth. But now, I have returned. Some quick news bits to catch you up…

I am now a staff writer for TwinGalaxies.com. I will be adding regular reviews to the site, so keep your eyes peeled for more content here. My first review was Beats for the PSP.

I love Rock Band.

On my other blog, which is usually all the non game related things in my life, I posted the top 10 Movies, Music, and Games of 2007. While most of the post doesn’t apply to games, that is where you can view my game picks from 2007.

I can’t really guarantee any specific amount of upcoming news, since things have been kind of slow in the games industry, but I will definitely not take the kind of break I did before.  Who knows, maybe another post will come later today.  In the words of Samuel L. Jackson.  “Hold onto your butts!”.